Friday, May 31, 2013

House of Meetings | Peter

Deeply funny and tragic. Of course his craft is paramount when discussing the book, but what I found so amazing was the huge amount of territory in space and time he manages to cover. The crafting allows him to incorporate the world at large--organically. I said this in class, and Ill say it againthe fact the he managed to incorporate a fairly solid history of the USSR, to its fall, as well as the Columbine shootings in the US (When he compares them to the school hostage stand-off in Russia) is remarkable because it demonstrates his great access to the events of the world.

Hugely interesting, and so dark that its impossible not to laugh, because despair would be the only other reasonable reaction, i.e., marching with the rapist army, the man with no hands who tries to smoke his cigarettes, the Russian policy for dealing with hostage taking. All tragic. It resonated, for me, because it really read closer to non-fiction/cnf that fiction. I'm biased, but I think it's credit to the breadth of the book. 

His use of the you address was highly effective and properly employed. Its very easy to use you with a heavy hand. Ultimately, I think the device of the daughter is/was largely disposable once hes off the ground. He knows his reader, and his reader knows Amis is directly addressing them.

Selected moments of greatness:

Your peers, your equals, your secret sharers, in the West: the one Russian writer who still speaks to them is Dostoevsky, that old gasbag, jailbird, and genius. You lot all love him because his characters are fucked-up on purpose. This, in the end, was what Conrad couldnt stand about old Dusty and his holy fools, his penniless toffs and famished students and paranoid bureaucrats. As if life isnt hard enough, they devote themselves to the invention of pain."
-Hilarious because this is exactly what the book doesinvents and proliferates pain.

The middle-aged wrecks I told you about, the ones that wont go away: a group of them, men and women, stood on the corner sellingauctioningtheir analgesics to etiolated youths in overcoats made from vinyl car-seat covers. Then, very quickly, the old get drunk and the young get blocked. Twenty minutes later everyone is crashing and splashing around in the blood-colored puddles infested with iron oxide, used syringes, used condoms, American candy-bar wrappers, and broken glass. They veer and yaw and teeter. And they just watch each other drop. Yes, its all gonethe wild dogs have more esprit. Thats right, stay down. No ones going to lick your face or try and fuck you back to life."
            -Brutal and clever retelling of a boring old platitude, i.e., its a hard knock life.


I hope you read the one written, much later on, and from Iowa City, by Janusz. It is sometimes said that these books are unrepresentative, because they all derive from the same stratum: the intelligents. All politicals; no snakes or leeches, no brutes, no bitches. The authors are unrepresentative in another way too, in that their integrity, it seems, was never in the slightest danger They lived; and they also loved, I think. Stakhanovites of the spirit, shock seekers and seers, they didnt even hate. None of this was true for my brother and me. And hate is weary work. You hate hatingyou come to hate the hate
            -On the meta level this is hilarious because hes addressing his book and hes guilty of creating and unrepresentative workbut its written in a compelling manner, as if it was written by a Russian who was there.

I realize you must be jerking back from the page about three times per paragraph. And it isnt just the unvarying morbidity of my theme, and my generally poor performance, which is due to deteriorate still further. No, I mean my readiness to assert and concludemy appetite for generalizations. Your crowd, theyre so terrorstricken by generalizations that they cant even manage a declarative sentence. I went to the store? To buy orange juice? Thats right, keep it tentativeeven though its already happened. Similarly, you say okay when an older hand would say (c My name is Pete? Okay. I was born in Ohio? Okay. What youre saying, with your okays, is this: for the time being I take no exception. You have not affronted me yet. No one has been humiliated so far.
            -Powerful read of his audience, great example of his ability to counterpunch.

Fatigue, undernourishment, cramped housing, and the nationwide nonexistence of double beds: these help. But the chief method of birth control in Russia is abortionthe fate of seven-tenths of all pregnancies. Seven-tenths of these abortions will be performed after the first trimester, and in an atmosphere of great squalor and menace; the need for further abortions is often obviated by the process (variously though inadvertently achieved) of sterilization. Failing that, there is always child mortality: the rate has improved in the last five years and is now on a par with Mauritius and Columbia."
            -Some amazing dark humor to address serious issues.

Now, Lev was still a married man, and divorce wasnt as easy as it used to be. Divorce used to be very easy indeed. You didnt even have to go through the rigmarole required of our Muslim brethren, who got divorced by saying I divorce thee three times. In the Soviet Union you only had to say it once, on a postcard. But now, for reasons well return to, both parties were obliged to attend a court hearing.
            -The notion of divorce via postcard is hilarious.

And, yes, I marched with the rapist army. I could seek safety in numbers, and lose myself in the peer group; for we do know, Venus (the key study is Police Battalion 101), that middle-aged German schoolteachers, almost without exception, chose to machine-gun women and children all day rather than ask for reassignment and face the consequence. The consequence was not an official punishment, like being sent to the front, or even any mark of official disfavor; the consequence was a few days of peer displeasure before your transfer came throughthe harsh words, all that jostling in the lunch queue. So you see, Venus, the peer group can make people do anything, and do it day in and day out. In the rapist army, everybody raped. Even the colonels raped. And I raped too.
            -His “honesty” wins trust, although it’s completely repulsive.

On my front, in 1945, many, many women were murdered as well as raped. I did no killing of women. Not then.
            -Great example of a trigger.

The phrase dirty old man has two meanings, and one of them happens to be literal. There is a dirty old man on board who is that kind of dirty old man. He may be a dirty old man of the other kind too, but something tells me that the two callings are difficult to combine. Now tell me, Venus. Why do I feel tempted to take the road of this dirty old man? I hate washing more and more every day, and shaving, and I hate stuffing my laundry into plastic bags and writing socks4 prs. I almost burst into tears, the other morning, when I realized Id have to cut my toenails one more time
            -A portrait of the author. The bit about toenails. I burst out laughing. 

The medical officials, after negotiation, are dealing with the dogs and the bodies when the bomb falls from the basketball hoop and the roof of the gym comes down. And if you were a killer, then this was your time. It is not given to manythe chance to shoot children in the back as they swerve in their underwear past rotting corpses.
            -Unflinching horror.

There is a young family here at the hotel (they await permanent accommodation): burly husband, burly wife, small boy. They always wear tracksuits, as if expected to be ready, at the snap of a finger, for a run or an exercise drill; but all they ever do is eat. And they are silent and dedicated eaters. I sit with my back to them in the dining room. You hear nothing from their table except the work of the cutlery and the clogged or slurped requests for moreplus the faint buzzes and squeaks of the various gadgets the boy is plugged into (headphones, game console), together with the restless scraping of his illuminated rollerblades. I wonder if they ever discuss the kind of deal they have entered into. The uninterrupted ingestion of food makes it easier to maintain the silencethe conspiracy of silence.

-Hilarious in the past and present context, particularly because he calls back an earlier passage to the many tracksuit donning Soviets (which were worn because of poverty, the command/central economy, general dire state of Russia.


What will I do with this book? I'll re-read it. I love the rhetorical ability to thrust the "you" onto a reader. Most worthwhile--meaning if the class were a single book--book of the class (barring, perhaps, Malina and The Real Life).

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

My Son's Story--Compendium



Fascinating Passages
“I don’t want to think about it now.  I don’t want to think he pretends she’s pink and thick and soft; as I pretend, in dreams, that I’m doing things to them, the blondes in full-page spreads I tear out” (46).

For me, this unwanted assimilation of father and son was at the heart of the tension in this novel.  And it goes both ways—the son disgusted by the revelation that his father possesses a sexual appetite similar to his own, and the father threatened by his son’s entrance into manhood.  I felt like a lot of the scorn that Will reserved for his father came out of a frustration of living in Sonny’s shadow.  How appropriate a name, then, “Sonny”?

“The smell of smoke, that was the smell of her. / The smell of destruction, of what has been consumed, that he first brought into that house” (274). 

I really didn’t expect this, which is part of the reason it impacted me in the way it did, but the other reason was that it represented Hannah so well; an agent of chaos disguised as something else.  Disguised as a need, as passion, as something positive to burn with desire for.  Yet even at this moment, Sonny still seems to have no concept of the toll the affair has taken on his family.  Or at least if he does, he doesn’t care.  His domestic livelihood is smoldering behind him, and his mind still turns to “the cause.”

New Words
fecklessly
inveigle
genuflect
diastole
ectoplasmic

Arresting Imagery
Ice-blue sky, yellow dumps, black veld, like the primary colors of a flag.  Our burnt-out picnic.  She would never have known where to find us, there (38).

The shadowless mauve of the jacaranda full-blown, ectoplasmic, near his face, tree ferns airing green wings spread over the pond tiled with lily leaves, the mist of live warmth from cut grass (142).

Notes/Strategies
- Gordimer has a marvelous talent for expressing her familial characters’ emotions through use of details that are specific to each person, rather than simply stating that he/she is angry/depressed/frustrated/smug

            - Examples:
            - I’ll bet I could bring up the questions of a motorbike again now, and maybe I’d get it (46).

            - She sat on the edge of her chair and looked at me as if she had known me her whole life, not just the span of mine which had begun in her body (61). What a beautiful line that I want to steal.  I’ve never read anything like that before about a mother.

            - Watching Sonny, listening to Sonny, she felt at last she could define sincerity, also—it was never speaking from an idea of oneself (112).

            - They made love again, the kind of love-making that brings the dependent fear that one could never live, again, without it (174).  This tells me exactly what Sonny was trying to accomplish with this encounter.  It tells me that he feared losing Hannah, and this was his final performance in efforts to retain her.

            - But he was mistaken; he’s lost the instinct for sensing my mother’s presence in some other room.  They were empty.  She was not there.  Not for him, not for me (178).

Misc. Quotations I found Striking
. . . not the kind where the vocabulary was limited to onomatopoeic exclamations by supermen . . . (20)

Even Hannah had never before experienced what the blacks, with their rags kept on their persons as protection against tear-gas as white people carry credit cards, were ready for every day (116).

She never came back.  Cut loose.  She was gone for good: my mother (168).



Monday, May 27, 2013

In a Free State Compendium- Mirza


Moves in the prose:
- "But he pretended to fumble the words"
- Page 50: An amazing paragraph 
- page 150 - a tender moment. Inevitable intimacy between two people who share the same space in isolation. 

Nice moments between people. Moments of connection, communication:
"Bobby looked up and held the Zulu's gaze. The Zulu didn't flinch. It was Bobby who looked away."

" Bobby, looking at his beer, sipping his beer, not hurrying himself, refusing to meet Zulu's eyes, was glad that the talk had at last touched sex."

"neither of them wanted to say anything that the other might have heard before or anything that was too fanciful." 113

"And Bobby knew he had already been described to Carter by Linda." 

"If she sighs again like that, Bobby thought, I'll give her a piece of my mind." page 143 Yes! People think like this. 
"If she uses that word again, Bobby thought, I'll hit her." Love how this shows the relationship between characters changing, love how it is funny as it does this, too. 

Noticings:
"The furniture looked used but not recently used."

Thoughts:
- The characters seem to take turns being gloomy. ( In a free state)
- They are about growing in awareness- of oneself, of others, of the climate of the place. 

Lovely Lines: 
"Blacks stared, whites looked away. Conversation faltered, then recovered." 
- "absurd chivalry overcoming him.."
- "The evening was over, the week was over."
- "He had been missed: she sounded lonely and waiting."

Dialogue
"I couldn't bear looking at this if I didn't know I was going to look at it again."
- "You do terrible things to prove to yourself that you are a real person." 

The Hooligan's Return Compendium


The Hooligan's Return Compendium 

Moves in the prose:
" Will he become, this morning, the man he was nine years ago, when he first arrived here, bewildered now, as he was then, by the novelty of life after death?" Think of syntax, of the effect raising this question has. 
- Something about the prose feels like it is stumbling to get out, to be told, a rush. 
- "I had finally left, feeling guilty for not having done so earlier feeling guilty for having finally done it."  & "I was racked by the guilt of not having left my motherland in time, by the guilt of not having stayed there to the very end." Similar sentences. But they accomplish something pleasurable, a contradiction on the sentence level, a catch-22 set up. 

Thoughts:
- "Perhaps. But I'm not ready yet for the return. I am not yet indifferent enough to my past." - Think of this. What is necessary to return to a place of turmoil: indifference. 
- "My anxieties were ambiguous. I did not know if I feared meeting my old self there.." The anxiety of encountering an old self. 
- - "I'm preaching not to change others but so that I can stay unchanged, a rabbi once said. And yet I have changed. Look at me, I have changed." Wow. Wow. Wow. Love this. The idea of a preacher preaching not to change others, or convince others, but to remain steadfast in his faith. 


To help with my project:
"I returned to the bench in front of Ottomanelli's where, one hour earlier, the past had come for me." -- An elegant handling of a character plagued with images from the past. 

Lovely lines:
"taste for inner catastrophe" 
- "delicate laughter."
- "Yes, the intensity of a whole lifetime within one moment..."
- "ready to make peace with the futility of the day" 

Wow, chilling, beautiful, heart breaking:

- Letter: "I think of you with great love and lonely longing. I can hear kids playing in the street. Shall we ever play together again? Poetry, too, has grown old and can no longer write itself. We hope the days ahead will be uneventful....However, there is love. Love is not just an abstract term, just as in the sciences we have Ohm's law , let us imagine that we also have a Loi de l'Homme, a Law of Humanity: a man is someone who leaves behind a vacuum greater than the space he previously occupied. Absence is a prolonged spasm-- once a day, once a week, several times a week. The heart grows older, and no man can bear more than a man can bear. Oh, what a playful, bashful friendship we had! If only we could start anew. Now we stand by the window like kids and wave to each other across the road, except that in the middle of the street lies the ocean."

Paragraph: 
- Page 44. " In 1997, nine years into the new calendar, that is, thirty six years from.... But, at the same time, he was only eleven years old, counting by the time elapsed since his departure from the old life. Such a pilgrimage seemed premature for so young and emotional a person." This is a perfect paragraph. What a wonderful way of handling time and character. Sets up exactly where our protagonist is, too. 

Words:
Prescient 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Son's Story—Compendium

Gordimer, Nadine. My Son’s Story. London: Bloomsbury Publishing, Ltd., 1990.

“Of course I know her. That broad pink expanse of face they have, where the features don’t appear surely drawn as our are, our dark lips, our abundant, glossy dark lashes and eyebrows, the shadows that give depth to the conours of our nostrils. Pinkish and white-downy—blurred; her pink, unpainted lips, the embroidered blouse over some sort of shapeless soft cushion )it dented when she moved) that must have been her breasts, the long denim skirt with its guerrilla military pockets—couldn’t she make up her mind whether she wanted to look as if she’d just come from a garden party or a Freedom Fighters’ hide in the bush? (15)

“It wasn’t only self-respect my father had; people respected him, not even a drunk would curse him. I don’t know what made all sorts of men and women feel he would find for them their way out of the bewilderment of debt, ignorance, promiscuity and insecurity that giddied them, so that they lunged from one sordid obstacle to the next.” (18)

“To be confronted with the monumental, friendly high-riding backsides of the women, the dusty felted heads of the men, the beauty of the lolling babies on the mothers’ backs—it was surely only to see and know that if you wanted to claim a self that, by right, ought  to be accepted by the town, you had another self with an equal right—one that was malediction, not to be thought of—to me claimed by them. (22)

“She drove a Volkswagen Beetle through the battleground streets of Soweto to find old people who didn’t know whether to trust her, she was received in the neat segregated suburbia of Bosmont and Lenasia by women who didn’t know how they were going to keep up payments on the glossy furniture, she lost herself in the squatter camps where addresses didn’t exist and the only routes marked in the summer muck of mud and rot were those rutted by the wheelbarrows of people fetching their supplies of beer from the liquor store on the main road.” (90)

“Or it was as if someone suddenly flipped the mini-series flashed on. Violence was so thin an appearance in the living-room that shadow of someone’s head, moving across the room, was enough to blot it out. Now, why, you could see the hair on the policeman’s forearm.” (104)

—Group Consciousness on 110.

“His existence gave her the surety: that was what authority meant, it was not the authority of the weapons  on the hill. If he used the vocabulary of politics because certain words and phrases were codes everybody understood—no interpreter necessary, even in the English in which they were formulated they expanded in each individual’s hearing to carry the meaning of his own frustrations, demands and desire—Sonny did not adopt the usual mannerisms the vocabulary produces.” (112)

How much of this blew over in the wind to the formation on the hill is not known.” (114)—Avoid this.

He was delivering his daughter’s rose to the dead. In a sideways glance with only a few feet between them they acknowledged each other across the graves like people who cannot put a name to a face.” (115)

“The only thing he left me to find out for myself were his own contradictions.” (121)

“Any kind of war, any kind. So at least if wee have to accept violence, we know what we’re doing, we’re not dolling it up. I find that helps.” (128)

“They’ve all left, the performance is over. He came out of the cinema into the bright daylight; and me.” (135)

Poor Aila (136)— Don’t buy it.

“He heard her double step, high heels touching the floor before the soles came lightly down, and thought she had left the room. But she had paused: —I wish you could go.—” (149)

“She went away with a man, she had been living with a man while he was with his woman in the cottage. As discreet, not only politically, as the father himself.” (168)—?

“And yet his only relief from tension over the ambiguities and intrigues that were growing in the movement was to turn to this other anguish, his need of Hannah. And from that anguish back to dismay at the position he was being manoeuvred into by certain comrades.” (171)
“Stale, stale. Sonny was unaware that he was slowly waving his head from side to side...” (192)—?

Omniscient—201

“He could not resist it, although it was not what he wanted. What he wanted, from her, was what no-one could give him back; his trust in himself.” (201)

“He sank beside her. They were stretched out like two figures on a tomb commemorating a faithful life together.” (203)

“He took her head in his hands and began to hiss her cruelly, he pushed hard fingers under her clothes out there where people could have come upon them, like any coarse drunk dragging a woman outside during a party.” (216)

Great Chaos on 229

“He had made love to Aila. But then he had never stopped making love to Aila...”(242)Ehhh.

“He listened to Aila breathing, giving a little snore, now and then, and smelt the too-sweet odour of her skin creams warmed by the rise of her body temperature in sleep—the cloying familiarity  in marriage, flee from it to the clandestine love wild and free of habit—stanch the longing for everything he had fled.” (243)

“Is there some birthmark or something that says this is what I must be?—” (254)


“I followed him through the shattered ice-floes of glass and soggy mounds of timber, clambered over contorted and melted metal, bent with him below the jagged shelf of lead ceiling that hung from a single support left upright.” (273)—great movement

Andrew's Notes: My Son's Story


Strategies/Techniques
• the voice was an echo from another life, where he was my father giving me his usual measured, modest advice. To describe the way someone used to be, start from something specific and physical, like their voice, before working your way to more general personality descriptions
• the naked face and apologetic, presumptuous familiarity, in her smile, of people who come to help. Describe character’s smile (or eyes, frown, gesture, anything really) as characteristic of a certain group or type of people.
• I woke up in the dark. It’s hard for an adolescent boy to allow himself to weep; the sound is horrible, I suppose because it’s his voice that’s breaking. Instead of saying “I wept,” imply the action of a singular character by speaking about the action in the general sense, with a universalizing commentary.
• For what she wanted was, in essence, always what he wanted; and that is not as simple or purely submissive as it sounds. I didn’t — don’t — pretend to understand how. It was between them, and will not be available to any child of theirs, ever. Expresses the awareness of something ineffable, will admitting that it cannot be approached from the narrative voice. Good way to address something significant that your narrator can’t have total access to. Also, sets up an expectation (she’s submissive) and then rejects it explicitly; this creates complexity in the characterization of the relationship.
• I spoke to him for the first time. —Biology. On Tuesday. — And so there was complicity between us, he drew me into it, as if he were not my father (a father would never do such a thing). The contrast between the banality of the dialogue, and the emotional intensity revealed underneath. Perhaps it would be better in subtext than in text?
• The teacher smiled as one does at something expected, feared, and already dealt with at four in the mornings, lying quite still so as not to disturb the sleeper sharing the bed. Keep pushing the comparison further, adding clauses to create a more detailed image.
• I don’t think my father knows any of these things about himself. Good to have one character question another character’s self-awareness, because it casts doubt on both of their perceptions.
• She said, and how much of your life have you spent doing that — so next day we went to the hairdresser and I had it off. When someone accuses us of wasting time (or wasting life) and we take it to heart, we move quickly and drastically to change something superficial about the situation, without addressing the deeper accusation. Also, the reaction of cutting the hair creates an opportunity to demonstrate Will’s feelings of betrayal.

Loved Phrases and Ideas
• The pride the old people took in him was not just the snobbery of the poor and uneducated, that rejoices in claiming one who has moved up out of their class, and which, although their hubris hides this aspect from them, contains also, always, the inevitability of sorrow: his desertion. Always come back to this idea that every impulse or desire contains its opposite. When you describe how a character or a people want one thing, think about how he/they must always want the opposite on some level.
• Of course she is blond. The wet dreams I have are blonde.
• Sonny did not go so far as to believe, with Kafka, that the power in which people are held powerless exists only in their own submission.
• There came a point, not possible to determine exactly when, at which equality became a cry that couldn’t be made out, had been misheard or misinterpreted, turned out to be something else — finer. Freedom. That was it. Equality was not freedom, it had been only the mistaken yearning to become like the people of the town. And who wanted to become like the very ones feared and hated. Envy was not freedom. The way in which jealousy for the privileges of the rich/elite/powerful (while it can galvanize protest and activism) can undermine freedom or revolutionary efforts. The desire of the proletariat to become bourgeois, instead of striving to eradicate the class-based society.
• it has made him someone elect, not to be followed in his private thoughts by ordinary people. The intimidating presence of some people. You don’t want to approach them physically or even mentally, their thoughts seem too imposing to speculate about.
• The whole world is lying, fornicating and lying. The propensity we have to impose our own internal experiences and mental states on the entire world.

New Words and Words To Use
• rictus – fixed grimace or grin. A rictus of dire fear.
• harangue
• kohl
• pediment
• sidle – walk in a timid manner

Ideas for my story
• for the roused state of an ecstatic love affair in men and women mutually dedicated to a political ideal and battle, heightens their concentration and application in relation to these. Arturo and Custis’s romantic attraction is heightened by their mutual political involvement. Custis respects Arturo’s dedication to the cause. I think I’m moving ultimately toward a betrayal of Arturo’s love, and allegiance to David’s love and worldview. But David can’t respect Custis the same way after he betrays Arturo, and Custis can’t respect himself.
• Yet you cannot be called poor if you are poor by choice  — if she had wanted to, she could have been set up in a boutique or public relations career. The inescapable difference between being born into poverty and making the conscious decision to pursue a lifestyle that thrusts you into poverty. Arturo and Custis both choose poverty, although Arturo for religious reasons and Cutis for artistic ones.
• Guilt is self-indulgent and unproductive. So many different ways for a character who believes this to react to this conviction. Refuse to acknowledge feelings of guilt about anything (more David). Feel guilty about feeling guilty, and lose himself in self-indulgent infinite loop (more Custis.) Dedicate himself entirely to aiding other people (Arturo).

Andrew's Hooligan Notes


Strategies/Techniques
• He walks behind her in the slow rhythm of the past. Describe someone’s gesture with a metaphor to something intangible. Don’t get caught up in detailing the physicality, the physical can be more powerful when paired with the abstract.
• Page 49, explanation of the Romania trip finally revealed. Withhold logistics, expository explanations, for a while, so that they don’t seem forced into the moment. Keep them concise. Reader will go with you without the logistics for a while if scenes are strong. 
• Decision is a moment of insanity, Kierkegaard confided. So was indecision. […and later…]
In the struggle between yourself and the world, you must side with the world, was Kafka’s advice. Had I heeded his counsel? Aphorism the narrator has memorized followed by a personal challenge to it. Make it new this way. Works best in interior thought.
• The very picture of an impeccably dressed young gentleman, intent on respectability. Intent on (noun that describes character’s attitude).
• with the kindness and calm that belonged to other times, she insisted that I take off my coat, warm myself, and have something to eat. the (noun character trait) that belonged to (historical era, time in a person’s life, geographical region, etc).
• “Passport Please.” Army voice, army manner. Dialogue technique: no traditional “he said” speech tag. Just report succinctly on tone and style of person. Works especially well for peripheral characters.


Loved Phrases or Ideas
• the fatigue of being oneself. Beautiful.
• Again, a victim? The idea exasperated me, I must admit. Oh, not again, the whinings and jeremiads of the victim, especially now, when all and sundry are claiming their own threadbare badge of vicitimhood —men, women, bisexuals, Buddhists, the obese, cyclists… The tension between the desire to have your suffering acknowledged and the desire to resist categorization as a victim. Also, the oversaturation of the contemporary socio-political sphere with victimhood, a la identity politics.
• the inner nature of the artist, ill equipped for everyday life, a bungler who dreams of other rules and rewards, and looks for solitary compensations for the role he has been saddled with whether he likes it or not.
• The story is too complicated, it can be told only in aphorisms.
• I’m preaching not to change others but so that I can stay unchanged, a rabbi once said. The constant performance and self-affirmation needed to sustain certain ideologies, dogmas, or faiths.
• a Law of Humanity: a man is someone who leaves behind a vacuum greater than the space he previously occupied.
• before it is this or that in terms of quality, life is ‘much.’
• ‘This is no life.” He lost hope. He was always a very clean man, so elegant and fussy, he wouldn’t wear the same shirt twice, he even had his socks ironed, imagine that. ‘This is not a life worth living,’ he kept repeating … ‘Yes,’ I kept telling him. ‘It is worth it, it is! If we resist, if we survive, you’ll have your clean shirts again. Let’s go on, just for that.’ The little things that break people; significance to someone of a minute part of life that others find irrelevant.
• Love starts out as revolution, then come the chains and the ambiguities, bringing in their wake the temptation of escape, escape from love, escape from family, escape from the chains. Let us, we pray, allow life to complete, in its own way, the work of erosion of hope and disgrace. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, life will usurp our illusions of perfection and erode the vanity of our sense of uniqueness.
• There’s no cure for that, for writing. Not even women; even less money; and even less, freedom or democracy.
• At that time, I was not yet used to irreversible loss. Wasteful of moments, I was also skeptical about the possibility of storing them in archives. Therefore, I had no tape recorder, I did not transcribe events, I did not preserve the voice and he words of the woman who was still of this world, alive, there in front of me.
• Other people’s hatred of us… does it render us more interesting in our own eyes? Victimhood as a point of pride, as a facet of collective identity. Shame associated with elevating oneself because of victim status.
It’s nocturnal murmur wakes me up frequently, like a vagabond electric current searching for its outlet.

Words to Learn or Use
jeremiad
prevaricate - speak or act in an evasive way
raucous
implacable- relentless (unable to be placated)
anamnesis- remembering


History Notes
Iron Guard (Legionnaires) - nationalistic, fascist, Orthodox Christian party, 1927-early WWII.
Marshal Ion Antonescu- established National Legionnaire State in 1940. Toppled in coup in 1944 and later executed.
Transnistria- Romanian administered territory annexed by Axis from Soviet Union, occupied from 1941-44. Location of two concentration camps, and several ghettos/killing fields. 200,000 Jews and Roma people executed.

King Michael abdicates in 1947, start of the People’s Republic of Romania
Securitate- Communist Romania’s secret police
Nicolae Ceausescu (Chow-shesh-koo) leader 1965-89. Last communist leader of Romania.
Chernobyl nuclear accident 1986
Goloniad/ June 1990 Mineriad: government (FSN) suppression of anti-communist protestors
            main demand, that former communists (4 million) be ineligible for elections 

Two Thousand Years (1934), by Mihail Sebastian (aka Joseph Hechter)
Preface by Nae Ionescu, his mentor and member of the Iron Guard.
How I became a Hooligan, by Mihail Sebastian, (1935)
Emile Cioran (1911-1995).